


A Track in the Mud

by amazingdestielisnotonfire



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Castiel, Castiel's Journal, F/M, Horses, I Actually Wrote A Horse Fic Yes I Did, M/M, Past Relationship(s) (kind of), Top Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-15
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-30 15:18:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3941626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amazingdestielisnotonfire/pseuds/amazingdestielisnotonfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Winchester, owner of Winchester Stables promised to sell Chuck Novak a colt from two well-bred horses for his son Castiel's thirteenth birthday when the young boy says its his only dream, to become a horse rider. When the colt dies during birth and Castiel is heartbroken, he gave up on his dream of owning his own horse.<br/>Eleven years later he's found the stable in his old Texas hometown when he's sent there for work, to treat a sick mare. He finds out that this particular mare is pregnant with a filly that a neighborly girl is dreaming to own, and he's determined to save her so she won't suffer the same pain he went through those years ago. But he's ashamed to find out the previous owner John has passed away, and the stable is now being run by his oldest son Dean, whom he grows a strong bond with while staying for an extended period of time when the mare's condition becomes crucial.<br/>Just when the mare begins to finally heal, the boys wake up one morning to find her gone. Vanished from the stables. Dean leaves the stable in the hands of his assistant Kevin while he and Castiel go to look for her, and they have to drift apart for them become closer.</p><p>i suck at summaries</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Broken Promise

**Author's Note:**

> *sigh* here goes

Castiel tapped his index finger on the side of his thigh excitedly. He looked out the window at the open grass behind a white fence. He counted the horses as he passed them, seeing so many of them, all but one. Misty. A golden-like horse with a smooth coat, the perfect type of dirty blonde. She'd been breeded with a stallion that looked just like her, and Cas was promised their colt for his thirteenth birthday.

"You excited?" His father asked him from the driver's seat, not taking his eyes off the dirt road that lead to the stables. Cas looked at him and nodded.

"Yeah," A large grin spread across his face. "Do you think I'll get to name him?"

"I'm not sure. We'll have to ask." Chuck smiled down at him and Cas looked back out the window.

The car approached the Winchesters' house and Chuck parked it and got out, Cas following him eagerly. The owner, John, stepped out of the front door with his eldest son Dean behind him, his hat tipped low to cover most of his face, mostly his eyes. Cas dipped his head a little to get a look at his face while his father spoke to John.

"John, how's your evening been?" Chuck shook his hand and John didn't smile, only looked at Castiel over to Chuck's side and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Can I speak to you alone?" He whispered to him. Chuck's smiled turned to confustion but he nodded. It caught Cas' attention and he watched his father walk away with the stable owner. Dean shifted in front of him and he put his hands in his pockets, his head still hung low. Cas looked back at him and wanted to say something but instead thought to himself and hoped that the awkward silence would end soon enough.

"You Castiel?" Dean suddenly muttered, his head tilted up slightly so his nose was visible. Cas nodded and Dean didn't respond, so he assumed he couldn't see him.

"Yes," Cas said. Dean looked down again and sighed.

"Happy birthday." He said. The corners of Cas' mouth twitched and he smiled.

"Thank you," Cas said back. "How old are you?"

"Fourteen. Turned it back in January."

"I'm uh...," Cas cleared his throat. "I'm turning thirteen."

"I know."

_Figured his dad told him_. Cas thought. He looked over at his father still talking to Dean's, and the look on his face wasn't a very good one. Dean followed his gaze to look at them too and immediately looked at the ground again. He then turned on his heel and walked back into the farmhouse.

"Wait," Cas said. _Where's he going? Why won't he say anthing? Its the first time I've actually talked to him and he's as awkward as I am._ "Where you going?" Dean didn't answer him, he only slammed the front door shut when he got inside. John looked in his direction to see Dean had stormed off. He looked back at Castiel's father and said two last words that Cas couldn't make out and he walked back to the house. He gave Cas barely a glance before he disappeared into the house.

"Dad, what happened?" Cas called after Chuck as he went over to him and looked at the stables off to the side of the house. "Where's Misty and the baby?"

"Cas," Chuck sighed and knealt down in front of him, "Something went wrong with the birth this morning, and Misty has problems with the baby."

Cas knew what that meant. His eyes started to tear up. "No," Cas shook his head and stepped backwards. _They were both completely healthy last week, what could have possibly went wrong?_ "No, that's a mistake!"

"Castiel, I'm sorry," Chuck patted his shoulder but Cas swattted him away.

"You're lying!"

Chuck collected him in his arms and hugged him, trying to calm him down. Cas tried pushing him away but gave in and went limp in his arms. Tears spilled onto his cheeks and his buried his face in his father's shoulder and his sobbed down his back. His entire life he'd wanted a horse to call his own. For four months he was promised one. He was supposed to be born today, and in six months he would be taken home where Castiel could finally be his owner.

But all of that excitement was down the drain. All the energy he had spent hoping was wasted. Misty was healthy. The stallion that mated with her was healthy. The colt was supposed to be healthy as well. _Key words: supposed so._

Dean was just as frustrated. He'd seen Castiel's father come back four months ago asking if there were any horses for sail, preferably a newborn. He'd eagerly asked his father if Misty's colt was available, and they agreed to hold the newborn for six months before handing it over for Castiel's care who would be thirteen when the time came. He'd seen Cas come and go, helping Dean care for Misty whenever she needed to be cleaned. Dean had fun with him, though they barely ever spoke. He wasn't sure if Cas remembered or not, but he didn't care, he was just looking forward to see Cas' face when he saw his future horse.

But now it was ruined, all because Misty turned out not to be strong enough when the birthing came, and the colt wasn't able to live for more than ten minutes. Dean had thrown a fit when it happened, and he couldn't bare to be outside when Cas found out. He'd stormed into the house and threw his hat at the wall, and his father followed him inside.

"Dean," He started, "I know its a terrible thing, but things like this can happen any moment." John went over and picked up Dean's hat from the floor and put it back on his son's head. "There ain't anything we could do."

"I know that," Dean said. He took his hat back off and just ran his fingers through hair, messing it up and putting the hat back on to cover it.

"I know you're upset, but don't go throwing that hat anymore, you hear? Your grandmother made that especially for you," John said. He patted his son's shoulder and walked past him into the kitchen, and Dean looked out the window to see Cas push away from his father before being held and hugged. He shook his head, mentally apologizing to him. _I'm sorry, Cas. I wish I could help._

 


	2. Reunion

 

Castiel was peering over a book when he was startled by the sudden buzzing from his cell phone. He bookmarked his place and checked who was calling, and quickly answered.

"Anna, how are you doing this evening?" He could hear the smile in her voice when she replied.

"Normal as ever, Dr. Novak. But there is something that needs to be attended to, which is why I'm calling."

"What's wrong?"

"There's a stable down in Texas with a sick mare that needs assisstance, near Dallas."

"When do I have to be there?"

"They said as soon as possible, so I suggest you head down there tonight and check in with them tomorrow morning. Its a while away," Anna said, and she chuckled.

"What's the name of the place I'm lookin' for?"

" 'Winchester Stables'. Look for a boy named Kevin, he's the one who called."

_Winchester Stable. That sounds farmiliar._ "Okay, I'll start driving in about an hour. I need to pack a few things."

"Drive safe, Castiel," Anna said before hanging up. Cas put the book he was reading in his suitcase before packed some clothes and equpiment he needed. He, on the inside, didn't like dropping everything and driving a hundred miles, but he was fine with it since 'everything' wasn't a lot.

He hopped in his car and started driving, stopping for gas before getting too far and getting on the nearest highway that would take him to this farmiliar-sounding Winchester Stable. But when Cas reached Dallas he stopped in a motel because his watch read that the current time was one o' clock in the morning. When he checked into his room he grabbed a quick shower and set his stuff on the second bed that wouldn't be used. He had to be at the stable in the morning by six, so he thought he should get to sleep sooner than later. He climbed into the bed and turned off the lamp on the bedside table.

***

 

Cas' alarm went off at five and startled him awake from his sleepy darkness, that wasn't dreaming and it wasn't being awake. He shut off his phoen alarm and took the towel he used four hours before and took his "morning" shower again. He got dressed in dark brown pants, and white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and boots, and he packed his items into the trunk of his car and opened the email Anna sent him with the stable's address.

He reached the stable and immediately began to recognize it. The big brown sign on the side of the dirt road that read " **Winchester Stables** " that let you know where you were about to turn to. The actual dirt road that connected to house to the main road. The acres of land that let the horses roam free as they pleased. The three-story white wooden house that stood behind the open gates for cars to come in. The house had a home-y feeling, almost like a farmhouse. Off to the side was the stables, and Cas could see someone's hat, and figured they were already awake and working.

Cas got out of his car and thought, eleven years after they last saw eachother, maybe John would remember him, as that scrawny thirteen-year-old that dreamed of having his own horse to call family. But then again, maybe John wouldn't recognize him. That scrawny kid gew up to be a master vetrenarian after being in the navy for three years. Not to mention his pale skin became much more tna during high school.

Cas approached the stable enterance. "Mr. Winchester?" Cas called out.

"Yeah?" A deep voice hollered from a stall and it surprised Cas. It was a deep voice but it was young, and energetic.

"Is John Winchester here today?"

The voice laughed. "Buddy, you just get out of a coma? John Winchester's been dead for five years." There was some shuffling and the source of the voice appeared in front of him. A tall man that looked about his age and was a bit taller than him stood in front of him in brown boots, dark blue jeans, a blue and white plaid button up, and a worn-out brown leather cowboy hat on his head. Cas could see parts of his hair and it was a dirty-blond color, and his eyes dazzled green at him. "I'm his son Dean, though. What can I do you for, Mr...?" Dean held out his hand for Cas to shake. _Woah. That's Dean?_ Cas looked him over again and saw how much he actually did look like that fourteen-year-old horse rider he knew eleven years ago. _I remember speaking to him on my birthday and playing with him and that one horse... Gosh, I had forgotten her name._

"Novak," Cas said as he shook his hand, "Castiel Novak."

Dean waited for a second like the name triggered something, and then he smiled.

"Cas," he said, and a rush of warmth spread through Cas' body and he suddenly felt hot in the Texas heat. "Chucl Novak's son?"

Cas nodded. "Yeah."

"Haven't seen you in years," Dean mumbled, and he was standing much more nervously than before; his hands were in his pockets and his head tilted down more. _Why does he always do that? I can't see his eyes now._ Cas thought.

"Yeah... How's your little brother Sam?"

"Sammy went to law school once he got out of high school. He's in his third year now."

"Good for him," Cas said.

Dean hesitated for a second. "What about you, Cas, where'd you disappear off to? I almost never saw you again after your birthday."

"Despite how upset I was, I went on with my life. Once I got out of school, I found out that a way to get money to start out my life was to join the navy, which I did," Cas said.

"Hey, man, good for you."

"Yeah. Then I got a degree in veternarianism and my assistant got a call from someone named Kevin here...?"

Dean's face lit up. "You're _the_ doctor! Oh, thank Lord, Shia's over here," He led Cas to one of the stalls and opened the door. A jet-black horse lay on the ground surrounded by hay and she looked exhausted and sad almost. Cas put his hand above her eyes on her forehead and she was burning up. She had some nasal discharge on her snout and Cas stood back up and faced Dean.

"She looks bigger than normal," Cas said.

"She's pregnant," Dean responded, "and someone's wanting to buy the baby."

"Who's buying?"

"A little girl's family. 'Supposed to be a huge birthday present for her seventh. She's a sweetheart, and I really don't want this filly to die. Or Shia, for that matter, she's one of our best race horses."

Cas nodded. He understood. He understood perfectly. It dawned on him what this little girl and thirteen-year-old him has in common. As if it were just yesterday, he could definitely remember the pain he felt when he was told his horse had died at birth after months of spending time with Misty. _That's her name._ Its like he'd lost a best friend, and he gave up on the dream after that. _I probably wouldn't have made it as a horse racer anyway._ Cas thought. Even if it meant he'd stay in Texas for a thousand years, he'd save Shia and her colt.

"I've only really seen this three other times in Minnesota, but I think Shia here may have equine influenza." Cas looked up at Dean who seemed totally confused to what that was. "It's basically horse flu. And I don't know _how_ on Earth Shia here got it, but it can be treated. She's got a bad fever, does she have a dry cough?"

"Yeah," Dean nodded, "Its been pretty bad the last two weeks."

"Normal for her case," Cas whispered. "I know something we can try."

"What is it?"

"First, we'll need to get a DNA sample to see if it is definitely horse flu," Cas said. "I'm gonna need a cotton swab and a snack bag. Got some in there?" He motioned to the wall where the house was on the other side of, and Dean nodded. He left and returned a minute later with five cotton swabs and a plastic baggie.

Cas knealt down and swiped and end of the swab on the edge of Shia's mouth and the horse whined. "Its okay, baby." Cas whispered and petted her. He put the sample in a plastic baggie and handed it to Dean. "Hold that."

He did the same two more times, one with a sample from her nose and another from some leaking eye discharge which he'd seen before, but Dean was frightened by it. He took the three small plastic baggies from Dean.

"Is she always this... Calm?" Cas asked him.

"Not really. Ever since she was sick I guess she started to become more distant with us. And now she barely gets up," Dean then took off his hat and ran his fingers through his hair before putting it back on. Cas was distracted by him when he did that; his hair was messed up and sweaty and it stuck up in some areas. _God, stop staring, Castiel, you creep. You're here for Shia._

"Depression and loss of appetite is regular for horse flu," Cas said.

"Yeah... She hasn't been eating much either. Not around us, anyway. We have to leave the stables in order for her to eat what we feed her. Better than her not eating at all I guess. Right?"

"Good enough," Cas chuckled. Dean cracked a smile, and Cas' stare lingered before he looked at the samples in his hands again. "I've got a lot of treaments that we can try, but until then, I need to get these mailed. Do you mind if I use your mailbox, I can't send or recieve mail at the motel I'm staying at."

"Motel?" Dean almost sounded like he laughed. "Boy, why'r you staying at a dusty motel?"

"I live back in Mississippi," Cas said. Dean's smile faded but he kept the laugh in his voice.

"I didn't know you left the state," He said. "Well, you're welcome to stay here, if you want. To help Kevin and I with Shia, since it'd be smart to have someone who knows what they're doing around here," Dean laughed again. Cas smiled on the outside but he was nervous an excited on the inside. _You're an idiot, Novak, nothing is going to happen._

"That's very kind of you, Mr. Winchester."

"Dude," Dean held up his hand, "You're my friend. Call me Dean."

_Friend?_ "We haven't spoken in eleven years, I didn't know I was still your friend."

"You're helping my horse, you're automatically my friend no matter what," Dean said. He closed Shia's gate and said goodbye to her and he and Cas walked back to the front of the house. "Do you need to get your stuff from anywhere, 'cause I think it'd be easier to get you settled in sooner than later."

"Its in my trunk." Cas unlocked the trunk of his car and Dean took two of his suitcases, impressing Cas with his strength, and he picked up his third which had all of the things he'd need for his work. Dean carried his stuff upstairs to the second floor and Cas followed him into a room up there.

"This is one of our guest bedrooms. Kevin is out right now. His bedroom is two doors down, and mine is just across the hall. I can help you put some of your stuff away if you want," Dean said, very kindly.

"I should be okay, but I may need a tour around here when I'm finished." Cas chuckled and Dean smiled when he did, looking down at the floor and saying that he'd be downstairs if he needed him.

Cas started putting his clothes in the closet and he set his laptop on the chest of drawers. He put the suitcase that had his medical supplied that he thought he might need on the floor in the corner of the room. He thought it would be more complicated than that, but once he took a look around the room he was pretty happy that he didn't have any troubles. He then travelled downstairs where Dean was looking through a desk in the family room. Cas saw him take out an envelope and set it on the coffee table right when he noticed Cas standing in the doorway.

"I've got an envelope so you can mail Shia's samples," Dean held it up and Cas thanked him before putting all three plastic baggies in the large yellow envelope and writing down an address, adding a stamp, and sticking it in the mailbox. Dean was looking through the freezer in the kitchen when Cas walked back in the house.

"Now, I'm not exactly a five-star chef," Dean said, making Cas crack a grin that he hid, "But I can cook pretty darn well. My dad taught me, and I used to cook for Sammy all the time."

"I was actually about to ask if I could get that tour," Cas looked around the room and behind him.

"Of course," Dean smiled and lifted his arms. "Kitchen, obviously," he walked past Cas, past the front door and into the front room. "Family room, living room, whatever you call it." Cas giggled and they turned around and into the hallway. Dean knocked on the door there. "Laundry room." He moved down to the end of the hallway. "Basement." He raced upstairs, Cas following him. He pointed to three different doors. "Your room, my room," they were right across the hall from eachother, and he motioned to the door next to Cas'. "Kevin's room." He then pointed to the fourth door. "Bathroom. I've got my own, so you and Kevin'll share that one, but it'll mostly be you, because Kevin swears its haunted so he uses the one downstairs."

Cas giggled again and Dean lead them over to the end of the hallway, just next to a window that had a great view of the front of the yard. "Attic is up there," Dean pulled a string and a square part of the ceiling came down as well as a ladder. "There's only really two floors to this house, but since the attic is fuckin' huge, I consider it the third floor. But its mainly just for storage."

"Understandable," Cas remarked. "Any house rules?"

"Uh... Now that I think about it, there's a few," Dean said. "One: no causin' a ruckus too late at night, the horses'll definitely hear it and bother the shit out of them and they won't be as energized at they should be in the morning." Cas nodded. "Two: no settin' anything on fire."

"I didn't plan on it," Cas giggled.

"Three: no- wait, do you plan on helping around the stables or are you just gonna work on Shia?"

Cas thought for a moment, and figured why not help? "Sure, I don't mind."

"In that case, when you come across one of the horses named Ian, don't--and I repeat, do not--give him carrots," Dean said.

"Why not?"

"They make him really sick, have no idea why." Dean sighed. "And that's pretty much all the rules I can think of now."

"Shouldn't be too hard."

　

***

　

Cas called up Anna around eight that night, sitting on his bed in his pajamas with his laptop open in front of him.

"I sent some samples to the lab, I was wondering if you and your team could test them," Cas said to her.

"Sure, anything specific we're looking for?"

"Equine influenza," Cas sighed.

"Horse flu? In springtime?"

"I'm just as surprised as you are. But test those samples, and call me up, let me know if its what we're dealing with, because she's showing all the signs, but I can't start treating her until I know what I'm treating."

"Understandable," Anna said. "Okay, I'll get back to you on that. How long do you think you're gonna be away?"

"Probably the next month or so, depending on when Shia starts to show better signs. But make sure people know I'm unavailable until I tell you when I'm gonna head back," Cas replied.

"Where are you staying?"

"With Shia's owner."

"Mr. Winchester?"

"Yeah, I knew him when I was a kid, so he's been real kind to me."

"He doesn't mind?"

"No, he suggested it. He's really nice, Anna. Hopefully I'll gain his friendship again while I'm here," Cas said.

"Castiel," Anna scolded, "You're there on business."

"I know," Cas said shamefully. He couldn't hide that he thought Dean was charming. "And he's just my friend, and that's as far as I'll ever go."

Anna giggled. "Whatever, Castiel. I'm going to bed. You have a nice night."

"Bye Anna."

"Bye," and she hung up. Cas sighed and pressed the home button on his phone so it showed his background (which was Anna sticking her tongue out at the camera) and his main apps. He pressed the power button and set his phone face-down on the nightstand and turned back to his computer, making sure the battery was still decently full. He made sure to pack the charger.

"Anna your friend?" Dean stood in the doorway, awkwardly running his fingers through his shower hair. Cas went scarlet in the face, wondering A.) Why the hell he left his bedroom door open when he was about to go to sleep and B.) How long Dean was standing there.

"Yeah," Cas said. "How long've you been standing there?"

"I was just gonna head to bed and I heard you talking. Sorry. Shoulda knocked." Dean chuckled. _Shit, I still don't know if he heard me or not, talking about the whole 'friend' thing. What if he took it the wrong way? What if he decided I'm too weird?_ Cas pushed away the thoughts and just smiled back at him.

"So uh," Dean coughed, "I'll see you in the morning then?"

"Yeah," Cas said back.

"Alrighty," Dean held up his hand to wave, "You have a good one."

"You too." Dean closed his door and Cas heard him enter his own bedroom. He looked back at his laptop and tapped the mousepad to wake it back up. He opened a word document. The last diary he kept on his laptop he eventually deleted because it was about his trip to California and it was taking storage space on his computer. But, what the hell? He could keep track on Shia's performance and use it for future cases like this one. He began typing.

　

**Day 1**

**Patient: Shia**

**I was sent to Dallas, Texas, about a mare named Shia at Winchester Stables. I thought it sounded farmiliar, and came here with much interest, and remembered my old childhood dream of owning a horse from here. The original owner John Winchester has sadly passed away, but I've met my aquaintence Dean here. Shia has obtained horse flu from God knows where, but I've got a solution that I think will help nicely. Dean has offered for me to stay with him until Shia's recovery, and I hope that she gets well soon, because she's carrying a filly that a seven-year-old girl is looking forward to recieving. I do not want this girl to be heartbroken like I was many years ago, and I have made it my mission to keep this horse and her child from death. Its not too bad, though, because I do look forward to becoming friends with Dean. We didn't talk too much when I last visited eleven years ago, but I do remember him as a charming boy who grew up on this stable. His younger brother is off at college, and I do hope he does well whereever he is. But I do wish to become Dean's closer friend, because he is quite charming and dashingly handsome. But I'm here for Shia's health, and once she's cured, I will sadly have to leave, but knowing Shia and the little girl recieving her baby are happy, I will be too. Maybe I'll keep in touch with Dean after I leave. Maybe.**

 


	3. *Sigh*

Cas woke up early the next morning at eight, and he thought about yesterday's events and immediately began to scold himself about ever thinking it was okay to have even the slightest crush on Dean. He got up to get dressed and told himself it was highly innapropriate every five minutes until he was finished brushing his hair and went downstairs to see Kevin sitting at the kitchen table with a newspaper in his hand and he was sipping coffee.

"Morning, Kevin," Cas said to him. They'd said hello yesterday when Kevin got back from the store and Dean explained why Cas was there, and he thanked Cas greatly for helping Shia.

"Hello, Castiel," he said back. Its not that Cas was tired, but he was a little concerned to how Kevin seemed so energetic _so_ early. "Coffee's over there if you want some." _Question answered_ , Cas thought. He poured himself a mug and sat down at the table across from Kevin who was still looking at the paper.

"Where's Dean?" Cas took a sip from his coffee.

"He's taken Shia for a walk around the field," Kevin said without looking up from the paper. Cas nodded and finished his coffee before saying goodbye to Kevin and heading outside. He scanned the edges of the field looking for Dean and finally found him only about twenty yards away. He hopped down the porch steps and jogged to where he was holding Shia by a harness and walking her slowly.

"Oh, hey Cas. You just wake up?"

"Yeah," Cas said back, "Why, do I look tired?"

"No, I was just wondering." Dean started to pet Shia's head. "I hope you don't mind I took Shia out for a walk. I know she's sick, but she hasn't gotten up from her stall in a week or so, I thought that might be bad for her."

"Its nice to take her out for regular walks to keep her bloodflow steady. But she will need enough shade and rest afterwards," Cas said. "Fresh air is very important."

"Shia's eating changed today, she ate her food as soon as I gave it to her, I didn't even have to leave to stable," Dean responded. "That's good, right?"

"Considering she _wasn't_ eating in front of you, its good this has returned back to normal." Cas nodded and Dean smiled, which made Cas smile, and he started scolding himself once again for liking him.

"Now, with this treatment that I've got in mind, Shia should be feeling better in about three to four weeks."

"That's great," Dean said. "The baby's due in about two weeks."

_What?!_

"Two weeks?" Cas was surprised that a mare this far into pregnancy and this sick would even be able to get as far as she did from the stable during the walk.

"Yup. She's a trooper," Dean patted her on the head and she made a happy-sounded noise. Whatever it was, it made Dean smile.

"You've been here a day and she's already acting better than she was last week," Dean said. Cas smiled and pet her too, feeling her soft coat and looking at her eyes. She started nodding her head and her tail started dancing.

Cas giggled. "What's she doing?"

"I'm not sure what to call itm" Dean laughed, "But she really only does this when couples come visit the stable. Maybe she's tellin' the future?"

_Again, WHAT?!_

"M-meaning?" Cas said with a low voice.

"That a couple will come visit the stable in the next few days maybe," Dean was still petting Shia.

Cas let out a silent sigh. "Oh, that's what you meant."

Dean chuckled. "What'd you think I meant?"

_That you were referring to us becoming a couple in the future_. "Something stupid, to be honest," he sighed again and smiled, though he wanted to tell Dean about his interest in him and if he should or should not feel bad about them.

"You're doing that thing again," Dean said to him, "you've been doin' it since I last saw you."

"Doing what?"

"You chew the inside of your mouth whenever you're thinking about something that's stressing you out," Dean said. _Oh my God I actually show it?!_ "What's the matter?"

"Nothing," Cas was a terrible liar.

"Bull," Dean chuckled.

"Honest."

"Castiel," Dean said, and his tone was hard and Cas felt like he was being scoled bu a teacher. It send chills up his spine. _Oh fuck it, you totally like Dean._ "You're my friend, and I want to know what's bothering you. It couldn't possibly change my relationship with you."

Cas didn't want to tell him. He had the words in his head but he just couldn't face him and say _"Dean, I like you, and to be honest, I liked you eleven years ago and didn't realize it until now, maintly because back then, Misty and her baby were constantly on my mind, but when I said hello to you yesterday, it all just came flooding back."_

It took him about 1.3 seconds to realize he'd said that out loud. Dean looked surprised at him and then looked at the ground.

"Wow, Cas," he said. "I didn't know you felt that way."

"I'm sorry," Cas responded immediately. "I'm supposed to be professional, I know, its just that I-I don't normally like someone... Like this. I mean, back at home, everyone is my friend, but just my friend. I've never had a single emotion more about anyone I know. I haven't in forever, and," he was talking quickly and he slowed himself down. "Its a little foreign."

"Its okay," Dean said, and he laughed. "You don't have to be sorry, because, to be honest with you... I like you a bit too. And stop giggling, its making me smile!"

Cas lowered his head and giggled into his hand. "How can I help it, I've just been scolding myself for liking you and now I find out that you like me back, and I feel like I've been overreacting. Allow me to laugh at myself," he said, a smile digging into his face. "But I can't help feel that was easier than I thought it would be."

"When people think of feelings being said, they think of this big dramatic scene that takes an hour or so. All you gotta do is say, 'hey, I like you, just thought you'd know' and if they like you back, score, if not, oh well. Life goes on," Dean began petting Shia on the head again. "But at least you told me."

"At least you know now, I guess," Cas chuckled. He'll admit, he was a bit giggly. Like that mood you start to feel when you get anxiety over something like a class presentation and when you finally finish, you get that releaving, empty-like feeling in your stomach? Like you finally _digested_ all those butterflies making your stomach flip? Yeah, that's what he felt.

_What now?_

"I don't know whether or not to go back to normal or..." Dean began, almost as if he read his mind, "Or ask you out on a date, but I kinda don't want to act like you're just my friend. I really don't."

"But I thought I _was_ your friend?" Cas tried to hide the mocking tone in his voice, but the numerous times Dean had told him he was his _friend_ yesterday was really going against what he was saying now. Or maybe it wasn't. Cas was confused. All he knew was that Dean just said he wanted to be more than friends. _But its been one day,_ Cas thought. _Well, fuck it, who's gonna tell me I can't be his more-than-just-friends friend?_

To Cas' confusement, barely heard, a low growl sounded deep in Dean's throat and he was looking at the ground instead of at him.

"I liked you when we were kids, Cas. And I let you get away from me by not saying anything. You're here again, and I can't pass up the chance to tell you that... I really, _really_ , like you," he said, and Cas was honestly wondering where all of this was coming from. "And I'm not sure what to do."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean-" Dean huffed a sigh of frustration, "I just- I fucking like you! I haven't 'liked' anyone in ten years, Cas, and every time I look at you I just get happy, and I don't fucking know why, and I'm wondering what the hell you're doing to me."

_Compliment or not?_

"I-I'm sorry...? Should I be sorry?"

Dean sighed again, even more frustrated, and Cas kept watched him closely. Dean then moved quickly and grabbed Cas' shoulders and stepped into his space, and just kissed him. Cas was internally freaking out, because _just two days ago I had forgotten he existed! Yesterday I saw him after eleven years and fell head-over-heels for him, and_ he's _kissing_ me _? Why? What's the-??? eunG??? What does this mean?_ Cas was thinking about it over and over again, imagining what Dean's lips would feel like over his, but he never thought that it would actually happen, let alone in the next twenty-four hours.

But... It was nice. Cas had to admit, he didn't want to push him away. Instead he leaned his body foreward and he creeped his fingers foreward to touch whatever he could. His fingertips brushed against the hem of Dean's shirt and he grabbed that, and his hand landed on Dean's hip. He gasped against his lips and Dean let his body inch closer to Cas', and they were pressed against eachother.

_I haven't been kissed like this since college. I've been kissed by a lot of people, hell I just had a hookup a few weeks ago. But this... This was different. This was better,_ Cas thought.

Then Dean stopped the kiss. His face was still close to Cas', and his mind was a wave of questiosn for himself. _Why'd I kiss him? I like it, but what if I freaked him out?_

"Uh..." Cas totally "???"ed out. "I'm not sure how to respond correctly."

"I'm uh," Dean cleared his throat, "I'm sorry."

"Don't," Cas said. "Don't be sorry."

"I kissed you without permission."

"Its okay."

"It isn't."

"I liked it," Cas cracked a smile and hoped that Dean would too. Dean stared down at him, concerned at first, and then smiled. _Okay, its all cool? Its all cool. What now? Do we... Do we become a thing?_

"I'm assuming it'd be difficult to go back to being just friends?" Dean said it immediately, like he'd read Cas' mind. Cas giggled and nodded before shuffling his feet a little ways away so he was standing in front of Dean and not leaning into him.

"Dean, I uh, I'd like to ask you if you'd be willing to uh... _Consider_ going steady with me," _Good job Novak you sound like a complete idiot._

Dean laughed. "Going steady? Dude, who says that?"

Cas cracked a smile. "Just answer the damn question so I can kiss you again."

Dean laughed again, the laugh that Cas liked to watch, where Dean threw his head back and his whole body would move during the laugh. "Okay, yeah, I'll consider it."

_Okay, Novak, apparently Dean likes this complete idiot that you call yourself._ Cas nodded and immediately Dean pulled him into what first seemed like a hug and then it turned into a kiss, and Cas fell right into it, letting his hands rest again at Dean's hips and Dean's arm hung around his shoulders. _I hope what I'm doing is okay. I like him, and he likes me back, why not go for something... Different?_

***

 

That night, Cas sat alone in his room with the door closed and his laptop in front of him. He wrote:

**Day 2**

**Patient: Shia**

**Shia looks better than she did, Dean said. Anna emailed me saying that the test results came back positive. I'm still confused to how she got the flu when its almost June. But with the daily treatment I have planned for her and the medication I had Anna send over, she should be seeing recovery in about two and a half weeks. She should be healed by then. But when that happens, I'll have to leave, and I have to admit, that saddens me. I told Dean I liked him (God I sound like such a first-grader) but I wasn't expecting to be told he liked me back. I'm not staying here forever, starting a relationship with him would be insane. And complicated. I'd have to leave eventually. But kissing him today, that was something. It shocked me. But I liked it, and I wouldn't mind doing it again. And again. So much for being "professional."**

 


	4. Time Flies

About a week later, a day were Cas was extremely exhausted, he slowly booted up his laptop and began typing in his saved document.

**Day 12**

**Patient: Shia**

**Looking back at the somewhat-week-and-a-half, Shia had amazed me with her progress. With the medication I've been giving her and the treatment she's recieving, she should be completely recovered in the next three days, but thats just an estimate. Though her sickness seems to be improving, her filly still has not made an appearence. I know that the foaling being a week later than scheduled is normal, but before I leave, I want to check on the baby to make sure Shia's sickness didn't affect it too much. But I already feel like I'm overstaying my welcome, because my relationship with Dean, if thats what you want to call it, hasn't improved. At all. About three days after we kissed, he acted like nothing happened. I wanted to bring it up but... Maybe he was just confused? Or he wanted to spare my feelings? I want to forget about it, I do, but it happened not even ten days ago. And I don't forget things simply. He's kissed me like I've never been kissed before, and every single _fucking_ day he pulls me deeper into the put, the pit that has a million voices in it screaming _"You like him, you like him!"_ I like him. I liked him when we were kids and I like him again, and do you _know_ why that pisses me off? Because both times, I've fallen down head-over-heels for him, just after talking to him for ten minutes. I never believed myself when I was thirteen when I told myself I'd fallen completely in love with him. A thirteen-year-old in love? Yeah right. Anyone you told would laugh harder than if you told them an actual joke. But I'd been talking to him for almost ten months, I'd visit the stables on the weekends almost every week, and I was close to calling him my best friend. It was only two months until I realized I liked him. It was seven when I'd decided I wanted to kiss him. It was nine when I finally told myself I was in love with my best friend, but then kept completely silent about it in fear of judgement. But now, I'm starving to wonder if he just lied. It would hrt less than this--this _thing_ \--eating at me, making me feel so guilty for liking him in the first place--for _loving_ him. I refuse to think I've fallen in love with him again. But that feeling I got when I started to fall for him, its exactly what I felt when I showed up here again. I'm going to hate myself for falling in love with him again. I'm just going to get hurt again, because eventually I'll have to leave, just like when we were kids. And I'll never see him again. I don't imagine me seeing him again.**

***

 

When the morning came, Cas plugged in his laptop to charge for the day and started getting dressed. While he was buttoning up a dark blue shirt, he heardd a loud smash, followed by a hollering of curse words that he couldn't make out when exactly they were. His bottom three buttons were still undone when he opened his bedroom door and looking at the staircase.

"Kevin?" He called out for him and buttoned the last three buttons as his hopped down the steps and into the kitchen. Kevin was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in his hand.

"You heard that too?" He said it quietly, and as if on cue, there was another smash and more slurs. Kevin's un-brushed black hair stood on end on the back of his neck, poor dude was easlity startled.

"Its coming from the stables," Cas shoved the front door open and Kevin nearly knocked over his coffee chasing after him. Cas marched to the stable entrance and looked down the isle. He was on the floor with his back to the wall.

"Dean?"

"She's fucking _gone._ "

_???_

"What do you-?" Cas stopped because Dean randomly burst into tears. He covered his eyes with his palms and Kevin appeared in the doors, who was ordered to go back inside and wait.

"Dean," Cas approached him slowly, "Tell me what happened."

"She's gone," he repeated, and he wiped his cheeks and looked up at Cas, taking off his hat and throwing it at Shia's closed stable door. Cas followed it with his eyes and stared at it for a while on the floor before his eyes averted to the door, finally taking in the detail of it.

There was hoof-prints in blood on the ground in front of it and leading away from it for a few feet, and the piece of wood that orginally sat in a slot keeping the door from opening now lay next to the gate. Shia was actually gone. Escaped, as it seemed, like she kept trying to use one of her legs to get the wood out of the way. Cas ten picked up the hat and held it in front of Dean, making sure he saw he was specifically handing it to him.

"Don't throw your hat."

Dean tilted his head up and blinked at him. "What?"

"This is the same gat you had when we were kids, right?" Cas didn't wait for an answer or even a head motion. "That means its old. Don't throw it around like its not fucking worth anything."

Dean stood up and stared at him holding the hat for a while before taking it from him.

"You sound lke my dad," he mumbled.

"When's the last time he told you not to do it?"

"The last time I did it," Dean looked down at the ground, "When Misty and her foal died."

Cas looked down at his feet, he didn't know what to say to that, and looked back up.

"Were you mad at what happened? Because you know that wasn't your fault, Dean."

"I know that," he snapped, "But I can't help but... Be upset." He sighed. "And now its... Its gonna happen all over again."

Cas was thrown off at that comment. "What are you talking about?"

"You know how much that memory hangs on, still even after all these years? Every time I get a request for a newborn, I think back to then, and absolute _fear_ runs through me that it'll end up like it did with you."

"Thats ridiculous, Dean."

"Is it?" His voice was lower. "Think of her. Think of Shia, think about where she might be. She's still pregnant, overdue, even. She could be giving birth right now, she's guaranteed a goner if she goes at it alone."

"Shut up," Cas whispered, those emotions that he made sure not to show eleven years ago. After his birthday passed he acted completely normal again when really every moment of his days he was mentally scarring himself by thinking of Misty in so much pain and all of a sudden going still. It drove him almost insane, he'd see dying beings everywhere he went, such a passion of his being crushed, it took a huge toll on him. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!" He screamed it. "How could you say that?"

"I...," Dean croaked, and the sound of his voice that broken made Cas want to cringe. "I just don't know what to do."

Silence followed that. Cas didn't know how to respond to that entirely. But he knew what to do. Or at least, he had an idea on what to do.

"We're gonna look for her. Right now, we're gonna track her a-and we're gonna find her," he said.

"How?"

Cas snapped his fingers after thinking for half a second. "Dog, or something like that, but she's injured isn't she? She'll be easy to find if we start quickly."

Dean looked at him, and then into his eyes, blue meeting green for a few seconds and locking together. Cas wouldn't spoken up but Dean thankfully did instead.

"Are you sure?"

"Might take a couple days," Cas said. "But yeah."

Dean hesitated before nodding and patting his shoulder. "Alright. I'll go tel Kevin, ask him if he's able to look after the stables. We'll head out as soon as possible."

_As soon as possible. I should start packing._

***

 

As Dean explained the situation to Kevin, Cas was up in his room, putting five days worth of clothes in a backpack. Dean had reported the horse missing in case anyone around saw it, but where they were, there was a lot of forest, and it was likely that Shia went in that direction and a fellow civilian wouldn't find her themselves. Dean then started to think about how he'd been there when John and his grandfather were building this stable and their house. _Its better when its near a forest, he said. Its closer to nature, he said. We don't have to build a fence to separate the property and the forest, he said._ Dean sighed to himself thinking about it and just went upstairs to his room where he began packing.

"So how're we gonna do this?" Cas hollered to him from his room, both of their doors being open and they were able to speak from a distance.

"My buddy Benny owns a farm near Houston, its by the forest too, he has some hounds that he said he could lend me. He uses them to track down important cattle that's wandered too far away, they should be good," Dean said back.

Cas nodded to himself and finished packing his clothes. "Don't forget to pack a sleeping bag," Cas said. He'd tied a rope around his sleeping back and slung it over his shoulder.

"It gets cold in the forest at night, bring an extra jacket."

"Cold? Its Texas!"

"Hey, it gets cold in the _outback_ at night," Dean said. Cas was going to protest but then thought about how true that was and nodded to himself again before searching through the extra jackets in the closet and searching for one that fit (he did the same with the sleeping bag since he didn't think he'd need to bring his own) and stuffed a good one in his bag.

"You got a tent?"

"Yeah," Dean responded. "Remember, don't go too crazy with the packing, we're going by horse."

"I remember, I'm not going too crazy," Cas said back to him. He thought he heard Dean chuckled back in his room. He finished with his packing and brought his stuff to the bottom of the stairs and he went into the kitchen to pack some food for them along with things for Benny's hound. He went back upstairs to check on Dean and stood in the doorway. His duffel bag was on his bed and he was stuffing clothes into it. Cas watched him from the doorway and his thoughts immediately shifted to what he's been thinking of Dean, but then quickly pushed them away from his realized he'd have no way of keeping track of his medical journal entires when they were searching.

He remembered he brought some notebooks with him when he came to Dallas. He thought of packing one of them along with a pen to write in, and before he could give it a second thought he was already putting one in his duffel bag with a pen clipped to the cover to use that night.

"Okay," Dean said in the doorway after Cas finished zipping his bag back up, "Let's head out there."

***

 

They both picked a travelling horse that Dean had resting in the stables. They were difficult to deal with at first, mainly because they hadn't gotten close enough to Cas to trust him on their backs, but once Cas showed them some affection and Dean showed them that he meant no harm, they were delighted to help them both. Cas looped a rope under the handles of his duffel bag and tied it around his waist to keep it right at his back, and his sleeping bag was in front of him. Dean had his things packed the same way except there was a tent dangling by a rope from his duffel, and it hit his thigh each time they took a step.

While they were strapping their things to their horses, however, Benny showed up, all smiles and smirks as he hugged Dean after not seeing him for a long time. He opened the passenger seat of the car and motioned for a large Bloodhound to hop out. Once he did, he leap up to be pet by his owner who chuckled and kissed him on the head and then shooed him off to Dean who payed him the same attention.

"Thank you for this Benny. And what's her name?"

"Sandy. Now, you already know exactly what horse you're looking for?"

"Yeah, its Shia, the jet black beauty."

"You got something that Sandy here can use to track her?" Benny leaned against his car.

"We have blood...?"

Benny shrugged. "It'll work with her. I hope you guys find Shia," he said, and he hugged them both before saying his goodbye and leaving. Dean brought Sandy into the stable and let her sniff around Shia's stable. Before he forgot, he took a hankerchief and dabbed at the blood on the ground so Sandy could sniff it on different days in case she forgot when they stopped to rest. It made him sick just touching it though, he couldn't imagine why Shia, when doing so well, would want to escape, and so brutally too.

But looking at Sandy, he couldn't help but smile. He'd always loved big dogs. He'd wanted one for the house, trying to convince his dad how good an idea it would be, especially for the stables, but John just went on about how a dog in the stables would probably freak out the horses more than anything and it'd just make things harder. Dean then grew up to realize that the reason his dad kept saying no was probably because of the money it would cost, and he figured this because once he started to take care of the stable himself, he wanted to get a dog right away, but the money he had just laughed at him and told him to stop dreaming.

Dean then snapped himself out of his dog-loving world when he saw Sandy's head shoot up and her nose twitch in the direction of the forest.

"You got somethin', Sandy?"

She barked, and Dean started running to where Cas and the horses were, and Sandy started running too, passing him almost immeidately and running into the forest. He hopped on his horse and told Cas that it began now, and they both took off with their horses' command to follow Sandy.

***

 

Cas couldn't keep track of time once they set out officially. Dean's horse followed Sandy through the trees and Cas' horse followed him. Sometimes Sandy would stop and turn around to Dean, and he'd take out the hankerchief and let Sandy smell it and she'd keep going. Or sometimes they'd run for ten minutes and Sandy would stop and turn a perfect 90 degrees to the right and they'd run for twenty minutes.

Cas honestly loved the sensation of running. It brought back his one passion for racing horses, obviously he gave up on that dream when his one chance to have his own horse was crushed, but he never believed he'd given it up completely, and this proved that. He loved riding horses. He loved feeling the air around him cool as he charged into it at the great speed he was going. He loved the feeling of his start to brush backwards because he was going so fast. He just wanted a cape so it could whip behind him.

He never kept track of the time, but his hunger sure did, because what felt like one hour turned out to be five, and his growling stomach complained. Dean must've been getting the same reactions because he rolled up his sleep an inch to look at his watch and he kept an eye out for the next time Sandy stopped to get another smell. Then he'd give the horses and Sandy a small break so he could feed them and sit down.

That, unfortunately, did not happen for another three hours. Dean kept checking his watch, and twenty minutes turned into an hour, and that turned into another thirty minutes, and then two hours had passed, and then it turned into three hours before Sandy finally stopped and turned around to refresh his scent's memory.

"Good girl, Sandy," Dean pet her and scratched behind her ear for a little bit, "Go ahead and lie down."

She didn't protest at all. She did, though, guide them about a hundred feet to their left, and Dean then saw that what she was leading them to was a tiny opening in the trees, but more than enough room for him to tie the horses to a tree and sit down in the grass with Cas next to him. He took a few pieces of raw meat he had in a container and threw it about three feet in front of him, and Sandy dove right for it, picking it up in her mouth and then gracefully walking into her own little area of the opening to eat it.

"I just don't understand," Cas spoke next to him, "We've been riding for eight hours in what we're sure is Shia's direction, and yet we haven't found her. She hasn't had too much time to run, and she can't run very fast."

"What'r you getting at?"

"We should have caught up to her by now," Cas said. He took a bite from his apple and stared at it. "I'm just saying she couldn't have gotten far in the time she had."

"She probably got out around nine last night, thats just over twelve hours to run."

"But she can't be going fast; she'd pregnant, she's still a bit sick, and she's got a wounded foot."

"Cas," Dean sighed, "We can't tell what's with Shia or how far she's gotten or how she got there. All we're focussed on is finding her." His look lingered for a second and then Cas turned his attention back to his apple, because if he didn't look away from Dean's mind-numbing stare then he'd start speaking about their kiss and he was trying his best to get that out of his head.

"You're right," Cas said back. "I'm just paranoid."

Dean chuckled. "Understandable."

They rested for about an hour before Dean packed their food back up and got back on his horse, looking at Cas while he did the same, and eventually tore his gaze away to fumble for the pocket of his jacket to get the hankerchief out. And once Sandy noticed what he was searching for, she jolted right up and ran to him, standing impatiently next to his horse as he knealt down and held it in his curved hand. Sandy buried her snout into it and sniffed for about ten seconds and lifted her head to the air, and in that time frame Dean would put the hankerfchief back in time for Sandy to take off into the trees.

He kicked his horse to get her running, and made sure she knew who she was following, and they continued to run. And they ran for hours more.

***

 

The sun started to fall and Dean decided it was best to get their rest set up before it was too late and they couldn't see what they were doing. He called out for Sandy, and she ignored him the first few calls, but then Cas whistled behind him. A high-pitched whistle with his index finger and his thumb hooked in his mouth, and it stopped Sandy right then.

"Thank you," Dean said to him, and Cas could feel the scarlet color threaten to fill his face. Sandy led them to yet another clearing where Dean tied the horses to the trees and got off his horse. Cas helped him set up the tent in the middle of the opening, and as Dean fit their sleeping bags and duffels inside, Cas was digging a hole in the ground three feet away from the tent. Dean was going to ask him what the hell he was doing but then he got up and walked to one of the trees, taking an army knife from his jacket as he began to cut a branch about the size of his arm.

Dean watched him closely as dust from the wood started to fall and land on his face and in his hair. But it eventually became too weak to hold itself, and Cas was able to snap it right off. He started walking back to the tent, and Dean's breath actually caught when he got close enough.

White dust from the knife sawing the branch littered his hair, his dark brown hair sprinkled with the tree dust looked exactly like the night above them, stars littering it exactly the same. Cas then started cutting up the branch into smaller pieces and he put them in the hole in the ground, then took a matchbox from his jacket pocket and lit it. He stared at the flame for half a second before setting it right one of the branch pieces. It slowly lit, and Dean was taking his appearence the whole time.

"Do you happen to need something?" Cas asked him without even looking away from the slowly igniting piece of wook. Dean became embarrassed, he didn't even realize that Cas had spotted him staring.

"No, not really," Dean replied. He looked at the wood pile in front of them and just sat in silence. They didn't talk while the first piece of wood started, they just sat and watched it engulf itself with flames and eventually spread to the others. A full fire was then presented to them, and Cas warmed his hands above it. Dean did the same, and his eyes averted to Cas again. He wanted to look away because he didn't want to creep him out again, but he was just so _bothered_ by his hair. It was messy. It had tree dust in it that looked like pixie dust with a close enough look and the flames flickering. Dean kept comparing it to the stars in the sky, because thats what he _saw_.

And then Cas suddenly stood up. Dean continued to follow him with his eyes and couldn't bring himself to look any other direction. Cas went to his duffel inside the tent and took out the notebook and pen, and he sat back down at the fire and began to write, in his messing handwriting because the notebook was horribly balanced on his knee.

**Day 13**

**Patient: Shia**

**Shia ran away this morning. Or last night. I don't know, but I know she'd gone. She wasn't in her stable, and she is in these woods, and Benny's hound Sandy is leading Dean and I to her. I hope she is okay and alive, and I hope she hasn't given birth yet. I wish I knew where she was right now so we could go to her and bring her back to the stable. Because I guess that'd be too easy, right? And Dean is staring at me right now and he's been doing it for the past ten minutes or so. I don't know if I should say something to him or just ignore it, but I have no idea if he wants to talk to me or he's trying to give me a hint to something. If so, I'm not getting this hint. And its pissing me off. Speak up, dude! I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere for the next couple days. Speaking of us being together for the "next couple days", I hope I can grow a big enough pair to confront him about how he's been ignoring me for the past dozen days. Because I understand if you don't like someone and don't want to hurt their feelings, but I don't understand why you'd have to say you like them so much to go out with them, KISS THEM, and never do anything about it for the next few days, leaving them to wonder if it was something they did or not. But maybe I should just act like the grown man I am and get some sleep because we have a lot of running to do tomorrow.**

 


	5. Losing Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're still reading this, then you're a trooper. I know horse fics are cliché, but I got the idea from my best friend and she is that one chick in your class who is OBSESSED with horses. But it's getting better, i'll tell you that!
> 
> Thank you for reading this!

It was three days until Dean and Cas started to come across some serious clues. They were running South, and Sandy had started going crazy, stopping in her tracks and barking in the direction in front of her.

"What is it, Sandy?" Dean called out to her, and then she just took off. The horses followed her, and she was almost too fast for them to keep up, but then she stopped and was silent, staring at the grass two feet in front of her. Dean stopped and stared at it, and Cas couldn't see because he was behind him, but he did hear Dean say, "Oh, my God".

"Dean, what is it?" Cas called to him, and he just got off the horse and motioned for Sandy to move away. Cas followed him and approached the patch of grass, seeing that it was incredibally off-color. There was pine-green grass, pine-green grass, pine-green grass, dark red. He then realized that it was blood, after a few seconds. Dean stood knealing by it, and then he took his hat off and ran his fingers through his hair. It was when he did that that Cas looked at him just to make sure he didn't throw the hat. _Don't you do it_ , he thought. He waited in anticipation for Dean to throw it like a frisbee, but never did. He just put it back on his head, got back on his horse, and started running after Sandy, who was re-locating her smell and taking off West. Cas just followed in silence.

It was about six p.m., dinner time, when they found the patch of bloody grass, and three hours had passed. The sun was starting to go down, and Dean started to slow down his horse. He calmed Sandy down from her smell and she started walking away from him, and he calmly followed her to a much smaller opening than any of the other nights.

Dean tied the horses to the trees. He fed them and Sandy. Cas cut the fire wood while Dean dug the hole in the ground. It was the same. It was just like the previous three nights, and this would be number four. But the only thing different about this was around ten, when they finished eating, thunder sounded above them.

And rain threatened to make an appearance.

Dean automatically got the rain tarp they brought and tied the four corners to four trees, making a small, flat roof, and tied each of the horses to their own tree under it. They were set. Then Sandy snuggled herself between the horses, and they were soon asleep. They looked like three logs perfectly set next to eachother. It was kinda cute.

When Dean was finished, he filled the hole back up so it didn't create a pit of water for one of them to fall in, and climbed into the tent, almost soaking wet. When he stepped inside, Cas immediately hid something under his sleeping bag. It was almost Sonic-fast, but Dean still noticed. And Dean _definitely_ questioned.

"Whats that?" He simply asked.

"Just a journal," Cas responded, "To record Shia's treatment."

"Why'd you bring it to a trip where she's missing?"

Cas hesitated. "Its just supposed to be about everything Shia does, you know? Including running away. It sounds stupider than it is, I know."

"It doesn't sound that stupid," Dean chuckled. He took off his jacket and layed it down on the cloth to dry. He took off his hat and set it on top of it, running his hands through his sopping wet hair. "I'm just curious to why you're so eager to hide it."

"I... Keep small personal notes. Its just a journal, like I said. You've seen it."

"Yeah, but you weren't as eager to get it away from me before," he said. "You talkin' shit behind my back?" He joked.

"No," Cas said back. "I don't- I don't know how to explain it."

"Can I read it?"

"Why would you want to read it?" Cas said.

Dean shrugged. "To see what kind of notes you were keeping about Shia."

_Were_. That word made Cas' heart sink a little bit more. _Has Dean completely given up hope that we'll find her?_ He thought. _I'm getting tired of his shit, to be honest._

"Why do you say 'were'? Don't you believe we'll find her?"

"Cas, did you not see the patch of blood we found?"

"Yeah, I saw it," he said, his voice louder. "But you know what we _didn't_ find? A body. She could still be alive, Dean. Why are you so quick to assume that whenever we see blood, Shia's dead?"

"Because we've been searching for four days now, running constantly from sunrise to sundown, and we don't have a single lead to where she might be. Shit happens, and though this shit happens to be _extremely_ shitty, I can't do anything about it. And neither can you," Dean said. "The problem is not me having no faith, its you having _too much_ faith!"

_Too much faith?!_ "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Cas yelled. Dean was taken back by his sudden raise of voice. " 'Too much faith' is the problem? How can that even be a thing? You're just blaming me for caring because you can't admit that you don't care at all!"

"Maybe I don't!" Dean yelled back at him. "Maybe I've been having _too much faith_ for too long now, and its been drained out of me by the fact that... That Shia's gone! Okay, she broke out on her own, and maybe she doesn't want to be found. It was her choice to leave."

_He's not right, Cas, he's just trying to cover up the fact that he doesn't care anymore_. "I can't believe what you're saying."

"Well, believe it, Castiel."

Never has Dean said his full name that angriliy before. It shocked him, and it made him even angrier. "If you don't care, then think about-" Cas voice cracked and his was faced with the threat of crying. "Think about Misty."

Dean stopped and started shaking his head. "Don't, do not pull out that card."

"You fucking liar!" Cas screamed at him. "You said you always thought about it, and you're just going to take all you said about caring about her and throw it down the drain, claiming you don't care?!" Cas had gotten up from the floor and pushed him. "You make me fucking sick. It is beyond me how I ever loved you."

_Fucking shit, Cas, you said it! You fucked up! Now he's going to be_ insanely _uncomfortable with you. Congratulations._

But he didn't break eye contact, and he totally pulled off the "I meant to say that" face. Dean continued to stare at him, but his expression was much more... Surprised. Shocked, really. He looked at the ground and it was extremely silent for a few seconds before he looked back up. Cas just put his face in his hands and sighed.

"I'm sorry," he said.

Dean looked at him, his eyes still wide. "Why are you apologizing?"

"Because I'm a hypocrite," he said. "I'm calling you out for lying when you say something that goes against yourself, and here I am telling myself that I don't... That I don't love you." He paused and sighed, wiping his eyes. "Because you know what, Dean? I- I do love you. And it pisses me off that I do, because I loved you then, and its been eating at me throughout my entire life since then. I haven't liked o-or showed any interest in anyone else, because it felt wrong. I only wanted to be with you, and thats not exactly the easiest thing to live with. Because here I am after eleven years-- _eleven years_ of having this controlling emotion--and the first thing I feel when I see you is-is this _relief_."

Dean didn't respond. Only listened.

"I wish I could give it up, Dean. I honestly do, because it would make things so much _easier_ for me. I'd be able to have a relationship because I wouldn't be so attached to _you_. I'd be able to leave here without feeling this empty guilt of leaving _you,_ and I'd finally get to feel free."

"Why can't you do that now?" Dean said.

"Because I can't get you out of my _fucking_ head," Cas whispered. Dean face just went soft. His eyebrows weren't scrunched together anymore, his mouth wasn't pressed into a judging, hard line, and he just finally stopped looking like he was hating everything Cas was saying. And Cas just sighed. That huge boulder was finally off his back. He could _breathe_.

"I don't know... What to say," Dean said.

"Just don't pull that 'Oh I feel the exact same way' card," Cas said lowly. That must've triggered something in Dean's head because then he went off.

"Okay, and what if I do?" He said. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't love you back then. If I said, seeing you every weekend didn't make me the happiest person. I would be lying straight through my teeth if I said I didn't hate myself the day Misty died, or if I said I couldn't even find a reason to get out of bed when you completely stopped visiting. You were one of the most important people in my life then, and I knew your birthday felt terrible, but once I never saw you again after that... I felt miserable. Like it was all my fault. And then every time someone came to the stable asking the same question your dad did for your birthday, I had to keep myself from breaking down then and there. Because it always reminded me of you, and every time I thought of you, I... I remembered that I'd never see you again. I'd never hear your voice again, or your laugh again, a-and that just tore me the fuck apart. So yes, I will pull that card, because I would be lying if I said I hadn't fallen in love with you. And I'd definitely-- _definitely_ \--be lying if I said I'm still not in love with you. And last time I checked, you seem pretty pissed when I'm being a liar."

Cas' face became littered with tears and his hand was covering his mouth. He started to shake his head and he wasn't sure what to do now. He closed his eyes and then Dean's arms were wrapped around him. It wasn't what he expected, but... he didn't mind it. He put his hands flat against Dean's chest and began to cry into his shoulder and his face buried into his shirt. Dean hugged him tighter and Cas just sobbed into his shirt, almost fallen into his arms.

"This is either the best or the worst time to say this," Dean began, "But... I love you, Cas. Its taken me eleven years to say it, but its damn true."

Cas breathed in and took his face away from Dean's shoulder and he kept his head low. "I love you too, Dean." He then dipped his head down and captured Cas' lips in his own, kissing him deeply and slowly and their tongues locked together as the heavy rain patted against the tent.

Cas then started to shrug off his jacket, and they both kicked off their boots and their pants, and Cas took a breath and looked at Dean.

"You okay?"

Cas nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay."

Dean nodded back and kissed his neck as his hands travelled up his shirt, leaving a chilling feeling where he came in contact with Cas' skin. He helped him take his shirt off and Dean felt his bare chest, running his fingers up and down his naked torso. Cas kissed him again, unbuttoning Dean's shirt slowly and pushing it off his shoulders and curling his arms around his lower back and pulling him closer against him.

They both settled down on the sleeping bags and Cas sat on Dean's lap, kissing him all over and biting and sucking at his lips. Dean kept his hands firmly on his hips as Cas eased himself down onto him, and he gasped, the only other thing filling the tent with noise besides the pattering rain.

"You're okay," Dean whispered, and Cas nodded to him. He gripped tightly onto Dean's shoulders and lifted himself up on his knees and Dean kissed his neck and held on to his hips. Cas whimpered every time he let himself down onto Dean's cock, and Dean would kiss his neck and lift him back up, repeating it over and over until Cas started to pick up his speed, and he was gasping and moaning through breaths.

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas as he continued to ride him, and he breathed into his neck and kissed his jaw. His movement stuttered and Cas clawed and scratched Dean's back and shoulders as he came across his chest and let out small whines, and Dean followed him in his release, moaning his name and squeezing Cas' hips.

There was a certain kind of silence that soon followed. The kind that isn't completely quiet, but no words were spoken. Only the continuing sound of the rain hitting the tent and the thunder shaking them, and the still heavy breathing of the two. Cas then kissed Dean sweetly once again before falling from his grasp and onto his sleeping bag, and Dean went for the extra blanket in his duffel bag, laying next to him and throwing it over them both.

Cas immediately turned to him and searched for his hands, lacing their fingers together and hugging his hands to his chest.

"I love you," Cas mumbled. Dean smiled and kissed him on the forehead.

"I love you too." He blew out the oil lamp they had lit and darkness covered them, and they fell asleep.

 


	6. "Holy Shit, Shia!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I understand these chapters are super fucking short and I'm sorry
> 
> if you're still reading I love you

_Look at him. He's... Beautiful_ , Dean thought. A strip of sunlight fell through the opening in the tent covers and shone over his eyes to wake him up, and when he opened them he saw Cas' face inches from his. His lips were slightly parted and short exhales escaped them.

Dean just smiled. He smiled and closed his eyes again, wanting to stay where he was for even longer. That when Cas whined and turned to his other side, making the blanket shift as he moved. Dean draped his arm over his side and Cas took it and hugged it to his chest.

"Are you awake?" Dean whispered.

"No," Cas said back. Dean smiled against his neck and left a kiss there. Then he heard Cas sigh and moan softly, the kind that you make when you're just extremely comfortable. Dean kept running his hand up and down Cas' thigh and feeling his soft skin, and nuzzling his nose in Cas' hair.

"We should head back home," Dean said. Cas sighed again and turned his body around to look at him.

"Are we gonna give up?" He said quietly.

"I don't think we can do anything else," Dean said back. "I'm sorry." Cas nodded and closed his eyes, he understood. Dean put his hand on his cheek and scooted closer to kiss him. A couple minutes went by before they got up and began to get dressed.

Cas buttoned up his shirt that was on the ground and after it was on his body he saw that it was in fact Dean's shirt. It was dark green and the sleeves were rolled up and sewed in place. When they had finished with packing up everything in the tent, Dean took out the compass he brought and said they'd have to travel Southeast.

Cas took a step outside and his eyes adjusted to the sunlight before they fell upon the horses underneath the tarp, along with Sandy. But... There was a third. There was Dean's, white with brown spots. Cas', which was all brown. And the one Sandy was curled up against, a jet-black one, laying on the floor and sleeping. Cas stared at it for a while before calling out for Dean.

"Dean," he said quietly at first, "Oh my God, Dean!"

"What?" Dean looked over at him and was by his side in a second. "Are you okay?"

Cas put his hands on his cheeks and turned his head so he could face the three horses still sleeping.

"Holy shit, Shia!"

One of her eyes opened at the mention of her name. Dean was already running towards her, and she started to get up but Cas was stopping her. One of her legs was swolen a bit, and Dean was thinking about how long she could walk. They were about eight hours away from home, if they ran. He decided to save that thinking for later, instead, and was told to just wake up the others and start loading their things while Cas fed Shia and saw how her health was.

About an hour later as Cas was using two pairs of pants to wrap around Shia's leg, Dean was thinking to himself.

"She continues to amaze me," Cas said.

"Do you think she head Sandy barking or something?" Dean piped up.

"I didn't hear her barking this morning," Cas responded.

"I mean like yesterday, or while we were following her."

Cas pet her and ran his fingers through her mane. "Do you think she was in the rain for long?"

Dean shrugged. "How well do you think she can run?"

"Run..." Cas sighed, thinking to himself. "Maybe two to four hours. If we take a break at least every four hours we should be okay."

"You really think she'll be able to do that?"

Cas shrugged. "We'll just have to find out."

***

 

Cas' estimate couldn't have been more wrong, but not nessecarily in a bad way. After four hours of running with Shia in the middle of them both, Cas suggested they slow down and take a break, but when they slowed their horses down, Shia started to rile them up because she wanted to run so bad. You could tell she was eager to get moving.

"Baby, don't you want to rest?" Dean pet her and she nuzzled against him but after that, she started hopping around and trotting in circles. Cas sighed and said, "May as well run while she can," and Dean rolled his eyes, calling her an "energetic one" and they continued to run. The horses were more eager than ever now that Shia had told them something to get them excited. They ran for another three hours and Dean was just about stunned with how much she was wanting to get back home. It made him wonder why she left in the first place.

But then he figured that that was a thought best for later.

***

 

Four days total.

It took one day to get Shia's wounds from her runaway healed. It took another of constant survellience just because the boys were extremely paranoid and confused, just wishing they had some sort of horse whisperer. One more for Shia's foal to finally show and for Dean to make a call to the little girl's father, and that particular day was spent trying to pry her from Shia's stable because she kept whispering "thank you" to her. The fourth day, Cas helped Dean and Kevin with the foal, to which was later named Alex. It was made sure that she wasn't sick or harmed by Shia's actions or health, and Cas was just about to go insane when it was clear that she was fine.

"You have the most impossible horses," he told Dean, who just snorted. But later on that fourth day, Kevin asked him when he might be leaving.

Dean was with him with he was asked, and his current facial expression was left behind and replaced with a frown that he was terrible at hiding, mostly because Dean always let his head dip down so you couldn't see his face. Cas knew it always meant something was wrong. And he just left he room.

"One second, Kevin," Cas told him, and he followed him up the stairs. Dean threw his bedroom door open and slammed it shut, but Cas shoved it open before it even could, and closed it slowly and much more quietly.

"Dean-"

"You didn't answer him," Dean interrupted. Cas, being shocked he cut him off like that, stood with his mouth half open. "Why didn't you answer him?"

Cas was silent for another moment. "I... Wasn't sure what to respond with."

"Meaning?" Dean snapped. "Its a simple question, Castiel."

"Simple," Cas muttered, "Yeah, because you make it so simple to pack up and leave."

"How difficult am I making it?"

"Pretty damn difficult," Cas stated. "Yeah, I've thought about when I'm going to have to leave. Doesn't mean I want to."

"But your life is somewhere else, why wouldn't you want to go back. You don't live here."

"I'm fully aware of that, Dean," Cas said harshly. "But packing my shit and leaving is easier said. Than. Done."

Dean was silent.

"I can't just get my shit and get out. I did that eleven years ago, and I can't leave like that again. I left without a single goodbye. How do I know I'll ever see you again after that?"

"I won't stop you if you do leave."

_I won't stop you if you do leave._

I won't stop you if you do leave.

I won't stop you if you do leave.

Those words rang in Cas' war and they carved themselves into his skin so he couldn't forget them. They shouldn't hurt this much, but God, did they hurt. They left this empty and sick feeling in his stomach.

"Dean, please tell me you don't mean that."

Then he was silent and Cas' eart beat faster as each second passed. Until Dean ran his hand through his hair and looked down, and Cas took a step closer to him. _Say something, fool!_

"I'm sorry," Dean finally sighed. "I just... _Don't_ want to to lose you a second time. But I have no idea how I'm gonna convince you to stay.

Cas looked down at the ground and let out a deep breath he'd been holding, and Dean's feet appeared in front of him, but he didn't look up. Dean's arms wrapped around him and he held him to his chest.

"We'll figure something out," Dean whispered.

Cas breathed in deeply and sighed. "Okay."

"At least the hard part is over, right?"

Cas nodded. "Yeah," he mumbled.

"I'm sorry," Dean said, and Cas was going to ask what for, but figured he meant for everything that had happened.

And he sighed again, "I'm sorry too."

And then it was silent. Cas wondered how they always just ended up silence after they argued, and how every time they fought it converted back to eleven ago. Cas thought about just letting it go and forgetting what was in the past, but then he remember that those eleven years were a lot to make up for.

"I love you," Cas said.

"I know," Dean said. Cas then pinched his butt though his jeans and giggled when Dean's hips jerked forward and he made a strangled noise, like a DID-SOMEONE-JUST-TOUCH-MY-NECK-WITH-COLD-HANDS noise.

"You son of a bitch," Dean whispered, and Cas giggled again.

"Thank you," he said, and Dean kissed his forehead.

"I love you too," he said, and his voice was muffled by Cas' hair. _Not sure what type of arguement that was, but I'm glad its over,_ Cas thought.

 


	7. And Then There Were Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all that have made it this far

Cas lugged a box up the stairs and let it fall on the bed. He took the box cutter from between his teeth and cut the packaging tape.

"Whatcha got?" Dean asked him as he set another box on the bed.

"Picture frames..." Cas strained the words since he still felt self-conscious about the move.

"Is that your mom?" Dean reached inside the boc and pulled out a picture of a woman with brown hair tied into a tight bun and a red pencil skirt and darker red tank top with a black shawl draped over her shoulders. She was standing next to Cas' father who was wearing a dark brown blazer.

"Yeah," Cas said. "Her and my dad were at a Christmas party."

Dean nodded. "What was her name?"

Cas shrugged. "I was never told. I always called her mom, and my dad only called her sweetheard when we were around."

"Even after she died?"

Cas shrugged. "Some things just aren't supposed to be found out," he took the picture from his hands and glanced at it again before putting it on the dresser by the bed.

"Dude, I can sense the anxiety from here," Dean spoke, and Cas smirked in the mirror at him.

"I'm not _nervous_ ," Cas said.

"Bullshit," Dean said back. Cas chuckled and looked down at his hands. He was making lines with his nail in the polished wood, and he stopped to pick at them. Dean came up behind him and snaked his arms under his arms and around his waist. He rested his chin on Cas' shoulder and Cas closed his eyes and sighed.

"Okay, I'm nervous." Cas said quickly, and Dean started laughing and his body shook.

"You don't have to be," he whispered.

"I feel like we rushed into me moving here."

"Rushed?" Dean repeated. "Oh my God, it took you six months back in Mississippi to finally tell Anna you'd be relocating. That's the longest I've been from you."

"Eleven years, Dean."

"Overruled," he said. "Listen, you've been a licensed vet in Dallas for a month now. Your last box from Mississippi made it here last week, and you, Castiel, are standing in _your_ home with _your_ boyfriend, because," Dean kissed his neck and Cas hummed, "I love you."

Cas giggled and looked down at the photo of his father and anonymous mother. Dean kissed his neck again and Cas turned in his arms to face him. He straightened out the wrinkled front of his shirt and planted a kiss on Dean's lips before slipping from his arms and going back to the box.

***

 

Quite possibly the slowest morning Cas had experienced, he poured himself a cup of coffee and sat across from Kevin at the kitchen table. He was working on the morning crosswords in the newspaper. They last empty box from the move was stored in the attic yesterday, and he was fully moved in. _Finally._

There was a crunching of dirt and rocks outside, a car door being closed, and then some voices. Cas honeslty didn't care, he just needed the coffee that was still brewing and then he'd be awake enough. There was some laughing and Cas thought maybe it was an old friend of Dean's. He waited for something attention-worthy to happen, and just as the caffine was starting to boot him up, the front door opened and Dean stepped through with some huge motherfucker following him. Cas recognized him. From pictures, mostly-

Then Kevin almost screamed and almost choked on his coffee and got up and went over to hug the very tall stranger.

"Sam!" He cheered his name, and a smile flooded Cas' face when he finally remembered. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I've decided to take a semester off from school," he said. "I haven't seen you guys in a year, and I'm a couple months overdue on a hello." Kevin smiled at him again, and Cas had always wanted to meet him. This was amazing.

Dean met his eyes and cleared his throat," Sam, I, uh... This is Cas. Novak." Sam looked over at him and Cas suddenly felt very nervous again.

"Novak? Where have I heard that before?" Sam said.

"You were barely ten, Sammy, I'd be surprised if you remembered him all too well," Dean said.

"Don't worry," Sam grinned. "Are you guys friends?"

Dean and Cas exchanged glances and Dean rubbed the back of his neck. "We're together, Sammy. He's just moved in."

Sam's eyes went wide like his mind was blown, and he looked back and forth between the two. "Dean, you found someone? Jesu- Why didn't you call me?"

Dean shrugged. "I figured you'd be busy with school. I ddn't want to mess you u with news of me being in a relationship." He gave an innocent grin. "Can't blame me."

Sam gave him what Dean later explained to Cas was "bitchface #4: very much blaming you, you fuck". Dean just smirked and Cas reached over for his hand and held it behind their backs. Things were awkwardly silent for another moment before Sam spoke again.

"I can't be a hypocrite," he said. "I met a girl."

Dean's grip on his hand tightened but he didn't let go. His other hand went to pat Sam on the shoulder, and he had to reach up because he was so tall. Sam laughed and looked down at him and caught a glimpse of their hands and smiled even more.

"What's her name?" Dean asked him.

"Jessica," Sam responded. I met her when I started school."

"What's she look like?" Cas spoke up. Sam dug into his pocket for his wallet and took out a picture of a blonde girl with tan and smooth-looking skin. She was smiling in the picture, like she was laughing, her teeth flashing white and her lips a dark red.

"She's beautiful," Dean said, and he pat Sam on the shoulder again. "I'm proud of you, Sammy."

"Thanks," he said back, and he put the picture away. "So, Cas," Sam smiled at him, "Jesus, I haven't seen you since I was, what, nine?"

"And now you're... Taller," Cas said. Sam awkwardly shifted his feet and he had to dip his head down or he'd hit it on the low ceiling.

"And smarter," Sam added.

"And have longer hair," Dean said. Sam, taking pride in it, whipped his hair back.

"Damn right," Sam laughed. The four started talking again, and then Kevin asked, "Are you staying with us?"

Sam looked over at his brother, and Dean shrugged. "I don't mind," Dean said. "But you'll have to held around." Sam just smiled at him and hugged him again."

***

 

It was a week before Cas started getting used to living there. He'd done all the transfers, and Anna still sometimes called him and told him how much she and the others missed him. He missed seeing them too, but he was also loving his new coworkers at his ver's office. He told Anna about them and her smile could be heard over the phone.

"Know this, Castiel, they could never replace us, no matter how hard the try," she'd say.

"They won't try, don't worry."

Sam said he'd stay for a while until the semester ended, then he'd go back to school, and he promised to be more informative with Dean when gone.

Cas' birthday rolled around about six weeks after Sam showed, and since it was his first birthday there, Dean tried his best to make it special. And that he did, after getting a hold on Cas' old office's company name and asking Anna to come over, along with the others. That was already hard, but then Sam offered to invite Jess.

"I think it'd be great for her to meet you and Cas," he said. "She could stay for a day or two."

"Can I trust you two in the same bedroom?" Dean joked, and Sam went red in the face. "I'm teasin'. Do you think she'll be able to get out here?"

"Yeah, she said she could do it, no problem. Thats..." Sam smiled. "That's kinda why I like her, she doesn't take any shit."

Dean chuckled. "That is a good trait to have, my friend."

Surprisingly, after a phone call to her, Jess was able to drive out there the next day. Sam's eyes lit up like he was a puppy as soon as her car pulled up, and Cas caught his stare out the front window and smiled when he knew who it was that he was getting excited about.

He heard her voice from outside and it was so calming. The voice suited her; if a sunset in the summer at the beach had a voice, it was hers. He wanted to meet her and say hello, and Dean was waiting in the kitchen for Sam to come back inside with her. He was drying his hands with a rag after washing them; he'd decied to make a special dinner for Jess' arrival.

When she came inside she looked different than the picture. Her hair, long and blonde, was curly and pulled to the side and fell over her shoulder. Her lips were shiny with lip gloss and she smelled strongly of cinnamon and watermelon perfume (or maybe she just smelled like that?). She had on a white t-shirt with a band logo Cas didn't recognize and light blue shorts with white tennis shoes that had dust and dirt all over them. She was, as Dean and Cas imagined, extremely beautiful.

"Hi!" She was very cheerful and her smile cut into her cheeks. The type of smile that made you smile. Cas hugged her after Dean and she kissed Sam on the cheek before he took her duffel bag upstairs to their room and came back down and sat next to her at the kitchen table. They were crouded around the circular dining table, the five of them, and Dean served dinner, which was chicken parmasein that his mother Mary taught him to make. Their plates were full and soon was their stomachs, and when they had finished eating and chatting, it was ten after eleven.

Kevin was the first to call it a night. He went upstairs to his room and the other four sat in the living room and watched a movie before Jess was about to fall asleep leaning her head on Sam's shoulder, and he carried her upstairs to their room after saying goodnight to his brother and Cas.

"She's perfect for him," they both said simotaniously after the door upstairs shut, and they began laughing and themselves. They watched some past-midnight television before Cas started to yawn every five minutes and soon was making Dean yawn, and they both went upstairs to sleep after a very, very long day.

***

 

The two days passed quickly compared to the previous ones. His birthday was extremely enojyable, Dean baked a chocolate cake with vanilla icing, just how Cas liked it, and Anna (unfortutely no one else from his old job made the time to drive three hours to another state for a birthday party, but hey, their loss) showed up in her black mustang. Sam drooled over her car and Jess had to snap him out of it by rubbing icing on his cheek. There were blue ribbons strung lazily from the furniture and attached to balloons that bumped against the ceiling. Cas said he couldn't wait for them to run out of helium so he could bounce them on his palms and play the "Don't Let The Balloon Touch The Floor" game.

After they ate cake and talked until Jess and Anna's jokes had them out of breath, Sam came up with the amazing idea to untie the balloons and suck in the helium and sing with the high voices given by, what he called, "The Ballon Gods". Jess the was the first to snatch a low-hanging piece of ribbon attached to a ballon and untie it, pinching her fingers together to keep the helium in. She giggled and started inhaling it, and when she pulled it away everyone was looking at her, and she started giggling again, but it was super high-pitched like a mouse in an animated movie.

When everyone started laughed at her she laughed even harder and gave the balloon to Sam and sat down, holding her stomach and giggling every few minutes when she thought about it. Cas was totally unprepared to see Sam do it, because seeing this completely tall dude with a high-pitched voice was too much to bear. When he inhaled the helium, he looked at everyone and just whispered, "Come play with us, Danny."

The room erupted with laughter, and Cas was sitting on the floor in front of the couch next to Anna and he was falling over with how much he was laughing. Sam kept saying over and over again "Forever and ever and ever" and it was making them laugh more. Dean then stood up and went upstairs to the attic and brought down one of the boxes that they had after Cas moved it and set it on the table next to the couch. He took the balloon next and sucked in the last of the helium, looked at the box, and said with the straightest face ever, "What's in the FUCKING box?"

After everyone started laughing, he cracked a smile and began laughing too. He would look at the box again and say "WHAT'S IN THE BOX?" and start laughing again before the helium ran out of his system.

That was the rest of their night, and Anna said her goodbye sometime during midnight. She headed back to her hotel and told Cas to call her whenever, and hugged him goodbye. The day after that was Jess' last, she had to go back to campus because she only got a few number of days excused from her classes. "Better than nothing," she told them.

Jess was hugging her goodbyes and kissed Sam before leaving, saying "You'll see me when you come back to school, Samsquatch" and shutting the door. Dean gave him a couple teasing whistles and pats on the shoulder before laughing to himself.

"Don't lose that one, Sam," Dean told him. "She's a keeper."

"Don't worry," Sam said back. "I won't lose her anytime soon."

Cas smiled at them before going back to the dishes he was drying, and he took a look out the window above the sink at her car slowly driving away down the dirt-path extension from the main road. He could see Sam was happy, _extremely_ happy. As happy as he and Dean were right then. He knew it'd be alright. He knew that what was happening right then was the peak, the greatest he was going to be in his life. He'd finally reached the happiest part in his lifetime. And he liked it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay ya'll
> 
> any ideas for a new fic? I'll take anything, just comment a good au you want between these two (Dean and Cas, its my OTP and I can't write anything but it imsosorry)
> 
> Check out my other stories if ya want to :3
> 
> Partial credit goes to my best friend and Wife (I only have her youtube channel link I am so sorry I suck) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoyPTcuuEJR5j3lg7vpPKMA  
> I couldn't have written this story without her idea
> 
> okay you probably have lives you want to get to, bye :3


End file.
